i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
