end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
