Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
