Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm really busy with my period
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