So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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