Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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