Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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