Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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