So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My bed smells like the plague
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
