playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
