Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
