??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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