Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
