He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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