I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
