EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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