If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
