over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize