A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
