The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize