A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
