I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
