Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i think i just lost a toe
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
