shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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