You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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