I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My vagina just clenched in fear
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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