Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
