Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
