So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
