census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
