Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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