More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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