I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
