i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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