my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
