It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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