New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
