I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
True strength comes from lack of pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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