I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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