There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize