It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
