My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
