so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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