I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
