I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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