At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
