I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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