i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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