and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
