Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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