I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
