how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
