god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
