I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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