Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
