She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
