Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
