Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
