Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
