Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
