Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
