6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
