K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
