And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
