I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
