thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
