I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
