actually, I'm a sock model
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
