do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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