so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
