I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
