You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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