I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I love having hate sex.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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