that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
