I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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