Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
