i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
