Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
