Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
