i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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