I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
