i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
