addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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