these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
True college students do jello shots in the library
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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