Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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