id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
