well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
