Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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