Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
