I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
