fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize