Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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