i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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