I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
