Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
