Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize