So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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