I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dignity is for republicans.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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