Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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