Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
