I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
