I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your cock deserves a montage
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
