i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize