Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
